I wanted to share some changes that have happened since I have been back from Albania. I went to Albania over a week ago to reset, get quiet and do some profound transformational work with my spiritual coach/healer. This year I caught myself overscheduling and over doing which lead to me feeling tired, stressed, anxious and depleted. My body was in fight or flight and I was overall exhausted!
2021 has been the year of DOING for me. I did not realize how tired and stressed my body was until I actually got to Albania. It was such a blessing to be so far away because I did not have the need to check my phone every 5 minutes for texts, calls, IG and emails! I was forced to really relax, get quiet and BE.
This was hard for me at first to really settle into. It is actually uncomfortable to go from overdoing to BEING. This was one of my first ah ha moments where I saw I had gotten myself out of balance. And for me when I get out of balance, I start to get very controlling with my food and body. This is always where my work is. My intention always is to love the way I feed myself, love my body and have freedom around food and my body.
Once I really let go and surrendered in Albania, I started to see some shifts happening with my control. I went to Albania honestly in complete control fear mode. I was terrified that I would not be in control of my food or eating schedule. I was not going to be eating my usual “perfect” meal plan. I knew I would be eating pre set courses every night. I knew there was going to be foods that I usually do not. This was truly a terrifying feeling for me! I was not in control for the first time of my food and what time I would be eating. This fear almost stopped me from going to Albania! So I decided I would pack 10 cans of tuna fish, some protein powders, bison jerky and seeds.
I am so used to planning all of my meals and also the timing of when I eat. I love the structure. But sometimes I do not allow for the flexibility in my food plan. Allowing no flexibility leads to me usually restricting and binging. When my body gets too tired and run down, my overcontrolling tactics around food help me have a false sense of safety. But this false sense always leads to me restricting or compulsively overeating. It always leads to me trying to do something to stay in control like longer fasting periods, over exercising, strict intermittent fasting weeks, and restricting certain foods.
I had no choice when I got to Albania but to surrender and let go. After my first couple of sessions with my coach of releasing the tension and stress from my body, I started to relax and enjoy myself. The “noise” in my head got quiet. I let go of the need to figure out every meal, every ingredient. By the 3rd day, I was eating foods I usually do not eat on my meal plan like gluten and dairy. I get so worked up on having the “perfect” meal plan. It is so exhausting! It felt amazing to allow flexibility in my food plan and know I was going to be ok and not gain 100 pounds! In fact, my body felt great and I digested and metabolized my food. I did not gain any weight.
This was a huge slap across the face and wake up call for me around how much intense negative energy I put around having this “perfect” mindset. The more I stress about eating a certain food or ingredient, the more stress I put on my body. I am basically telling my body that the food I am eating is “bad” and I feel like my body holds on to it, even it is an apple. So I decided to change my mindset and eat with joy. Trust and relax and thank my body for digesting the beautiful food. This was the first time ever I let go of the “noise” around food on vacation. Usually when I eat, my mind is saying “you will get fat if you eat this, or this is not something I should be eating, or this food will make me bloated and constipated, or when I get home I will basically have to over exercise and starve myself”. If I always have this energy and noise when I eating, how do you think my body will respond? But instead when I ate the meals in Albania, I ate them with love and joy. I had zero digestion and elimination problems. I feel like the more stressed I am when I eat or stressed about what and when I am eating, I am doing more harm to my body. And this is what keeps the weight and inflammation on for me.
Letting go of the need to be “perfect” with my food is such a blessing. My coach reminded me that to chase perfectionism is a waste of energy because perfectionism does not really exist. There is no such thing as the “perfect” diet or the “perfect” meal plan.
And just so you know, I never ate the 10 cans of tuna fish! I did eat my jerky and seeds but I was eating the most beautiful and freshest fish daily so there was no need for canned tuna!
I felt called to share this new shift with you. This trip was meant to be because when I was there I was editing my final chapters of my book. I have a whole chapter in my book on having structure vs flexible food plan. I am so passionate about continuing to share my journey with food and my body in hope to help or inspire someone that is also struggling in this area.
My book “HUNGRY Why I F*cking Eat”, will be out late May! I can’t wait to share it with you! Thank you for reading and being on this journey with me! Reach out anytime! I love connecting with you! Much love to you all. xo